so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
