Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
