I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
