do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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