Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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