Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
