I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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