so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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