Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
