We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
