I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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