I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
