Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
