he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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