I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
