cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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