I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
