you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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