If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
