omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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