did i walk over a car last night?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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