I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
