He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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