She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
