biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
