I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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