Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
40s are totally the cure
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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