He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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