3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
