All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Less talking, more tequila
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
