Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
