and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
