Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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