you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
