Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
