she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
