Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
