he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
