nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize