Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
