I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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