youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
