Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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