I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
