I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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