meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
