3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
