So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
