Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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