i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
