i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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