Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
