call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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