i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
