I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
