does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
