Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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