Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
