so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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