having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
