do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
