Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
