The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
